Never Split the Difference Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It Review
Negotiation is an ofttimes undervalued skill for production managers. Whether nosotros want to get upkeep to become after a specific market opportunity or need to button back on a specific request, nosotros need to be potent negotiators to navigate certain scenarios effectively.
Who meliorate to learn from about negotiation than a former FBI hostage negotiator?! Chris Voss used to be an FBI negotiator in kidnapping situations and has written about his learnings in "Never Split The Deviation: Negotiating as if your life depended on it". Voss wrote this book to help u.s.a. with negotiations required in a wide range of (everyday) situations, and to get us over our aversion to negotiating. "You don't need to like it; yous just need to understand that's how the world works" Voss writes. "Never Divide The Divergence" is geared towards real-life situations that require negotiation skills; from negotiating a college bacon to navigating bed fourth dimension with your kids.
These are the main things I took abroad from reading "Never Split The Difference":
Employ your voice – To 'mirror' your analogue effectively, your vox plays a crucial part: Voss explains how we can use our vocalisation intentionally to accomplish into someone'south encephalon and flip an emotional switch. There are three tones of vocalisation that negotiators can use: (1) the late-nighttime FM DJ voice, (2) the positive / playful voice and (3) the direct / assertive voice. Voss urges united states to only employ the direct / believing vocalisation in rare circumstances; "using information technology is like slapping yourself in the face while yous're trying to brand progress."
Mirroring (one) – Mirroring, also called "isopraxism", is substantially false. Mirroring is something that we tend to exercise unconsciously, copying each other'southward behaviours to comfort each other. Information technology can be done through body linguistic communication, spoken language patterns, vocabulary, tempo and tone of voice. Also, don't underestimate the positive impact of simply putting a smile on your face up 🙂 When people are in a positive frame of listen, they think more speedily, and are more likely to collaborate and problem-solve.
Mirroring (2) – Voss explains how for the FBI mirroring came down to repeating the last 3 words (or the critical one to three words) of what someone has just said. By repeating dorsum what someone just said, you trigger a mirroring instinct and your counterpart will inevitably elaborate on what was simply said and sustain the process of connecting.
Tactical empathy – "Empathy" is a word that has come a lot over the by 1.five years and I similar Voss' definition of empathy: "the ability to recognise the perspective of a counterpart, and the vocalisation of that recognition." "Tactical Empathy" goes i step beyond this, and captured the agreement of the feelings and mindset of another in the moment likewise equally what sits backside those feelings. This understanding helps increase your influence and overcoming any obstacles to reaching an agreement.
Labelling (one) – Labelling is a way of validating someone'due south emotion by acknowledging it. Give someone'south emotion a proper noun and you show you identify with how the person feels. Labels ofttimes brainstorm with the same words: "It seems like __", "It sounds like __" or "It looks similar __".
Labelling (2) – The primal thing I learned about labelling is that the person labelling starts with the word "information technology" instead of "I". "It seems that __" instead "I am hearing that __". That'south considering the word "I" makes people get defensive and focus on the person labelling (instead of listening to the message conveyed).
Accusation audit (1) – Voss talks nigh doing an "allegation audit" to disarm our counterparts whilst negotiating. The kickoff step in the allegation audit is listing every terrible thing your counterpart could say about you. As a second stride you tin use part play the 2 sides in the negotiation, with one person making accusations and the other person disarming these, applying 'anticipatory labels'. For example, "It seems you experience this was promised to you" or "You're going to think we're being harsh".
Allegation inspect (2) – The book offers a great example of such a pre-emptive and disarming reaction to accusations: "We understand that we brought you on lath with the shared goal of having you lead this work. Yous may feel like we accept treated you unfairly (thus labelling an emotion, MA), and that we changed the deal significantly since then. We acknowledge that you lot believe you lot were promised this work."
"No" is protection – Reverse to popular belief, Voss argues, that "no" isn't a failure. Used strategically, "no" is an respond that opens the path forrad, opening the word up. Saying "no" can permit the real issues to be brought forward and protects people from making – and lets them correct – ineffective decisions.
Never carve up the divergence – Ane'due south ability to say "no" or "you're right" are both role of the key message of this book, never to carve up the divergence. "Artistic solutions are almost always preceded by some degree of risk, badgerer, confusion, and conflict" Voss argues. He compares splitting the deviation to wearing 1 brown and one black shoe equally a upshot of compromising.
Loss aversion – In 1979 psychologists Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky created the "Prospect Theory" which describes how people choose between options that involve risk, like in a negotiation. The theory argues that people avoid losses and optimise for certain wins (the "Certainty Issue"). The perceived pain of losing is greater than the satisfaction of achieving a gain ("Loss Aversion"). To go real leverage, Voss advises, we have to persuade the other person(southward) that they've got something to lose if the deal falls through.
Calibrated Questions (1) – A calibrated question is an open-ended question, designed to take the sting out of a difficult conversation or negotiation. "How am I supposed to do that? "It seems that this option could get us to achieve our target, what exercise you call up?" Such calibrated questions allow us to introduce ideas and requests without sounding overbearing or pushy.
Calibrated Questions (2) – Voss offers a number of practical tips about creating calibrated questions. Avoid starting with words like "can", "is", "are", "do" or "does" as these are closed-ended questions that can be answered with a elementary "yes" or a "no" and go out no opening for word or negotiation. Instead, start with a list of words that people know every bit 'reporter questions': "who", "what", "where", "when", "why" and "how". These words volition open up up the conversation and engage your counterpart to contribute. For example:
What is the biggest claiming you lot confront?
How tin can I help make this better for us?
How would you lot like me to proceed?
What do you think?
What is it that brought us into this situation?
How tin we solve this problem?
Why is this an opportunity for our business?
What is the objective?
What are we trying to accomplish here?
Main learning point: Whether nosotros like it or not, every bit product managers we need to exist comfortable negotiating. "Never Split The Difference" is an invaluable resource that helps readers to get confident and effective negotiators.
Related links for further learning:
- https://viaconflict.wordpress.com/2014/10/26/the-behavioral-change-stairway-model/
- https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-become-rainmaker-get-customers-keep-them-coming-back-alexe/
- https://www.nngroup.com/articles/prospect-theory/
- Chris Voss "Never Split The Difference" TEDx Talk
- https://world wide web.shortform.com/web log/ackerman-model/
Source: https://marcabraham.com/2021/10/17/book-review-never-split-the-difference/
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